A short one on anxiety.

A quick one today but one that feels just as important as the essays 😊
Yesterday I was sitting in on an Anxiety workshop with a colleague and a group of Mums. I was in the room as a guest, a visitor with experience and resources to share. Later in the night I ran a women’s wellbeing workshop, facilitating a conversation with three other contributors for a group of women interested in improving their wellbeing.
This morning I woke up with the worst anxiety I have felt in years. I don’t remember exactly when I last felt that way but I remember the feeling in my bones. The kind of feeling and intensity that prevents you from knowing anything at all.
Knowing about anxiety, even teaching about anxiety doesn’t get me off the hook. Having experienced it in the past and managing it for years doesn’t either.
For many reasons this morning my body just had so much to say and felt it needed to say it loudly and urgently so that I couldn’t not stop to listen. The lights and sirens were going off and my plans for the day had to move out of the way.
The thing that I was still able to know in that space was that I needed to listen.
The thing that my experience has given me is the practice of noticing that feeling (usually and ideally much earlier than in this case) and being able to stop, sit and stay with it and unravel what my body, mind and spirit need in the moment. To move towards the first step out of being overwhelmed and paralysed by the feeling and what my thoughts tell me the feeling means.
Our bodies and nervous systems are so amazing, so complex and so good at what they do. Even when it feels like they are going haywire they’re communicating with us.
When I learned their language, and how to communicate back, that feeling became a message that I can handle, asking for a response that I know.
I’m pretty exhausted and it’s been a tough reminder of how this feeling used to be my normal. I’m feeling grateful for every conversation I’ve ever had about anxiety, mindfulness and how the nervous system works. For every person who has shared an experience, a question or concept with me over the years that has slotted into my relationship with my anxiety and allowed it to be what it is today. Allowed me to be ok most of the time and to also be ok when I’m not.