It Used To Be Called a Nervous Breakdown

This morning I saw a clip of a news piece talking about a new service in the Northern suburbs much like the service Ngala has offered for years. It’s wonderful that this type of service will now be more accessible and closer to those who may need it. I think any support services for mothers and babies are wonderful and so important. I did however have a personal reaction to seeing this and I’ve been trying to work through it since I saw it. You see by the time Kai was two years old I was on first name basis with one of the supervisors at Ngala. I had called so many times that I’m sure I was flagged as some sort of risk. It had got to the point where they had nothing left to suggest or offer apart from us flying down to Perth to stay there for a few nights. It wasn’t something I felt was possible at the time and if I’m honest I didn’t feel it would help. I knew and understood the strategies they had suggested. I had used them successfully with my first baby and I had tried them this time around. The problem was not that I wasn’t doing it right. The answer wasn’t for them to watch me and correct me. So I said no, we couldn’t travel for that.

This is when I met Margaret and I was expecting the same story from her but I got something different from her, thankfully. I understand that they are passionate about and believe in what they do. They believe it is the best thing and they have helped countless families with their strategies and support. I do worry though about the families like mine, who stop calling before they get to talk to Margaret. The ones who give up on services and support because it doesn’t work for them. I told Margaret that what I had tried didn’t work and that I was not going to go any further with it. No matter what they called it I was not going to train my baby to know that I was not coming no matter how he cried. I’m not saying that sleep training is right or wrong, it’s not black and white. My first baby learned to self settle at seven weeks old and I never for a second felt these things with him. I just felt so strongly that this baby was not unsettled because he didn’t know how to settle, there was some reason he couldn’t. Trying to teach him to sleep anyway seemed silly and impossible. I was at my wits end. When Ngala have been your lifeline and they tell you they can’t offer you anything more it’s a pretty awful feeling. I was certain that I was upsetting Margaret as I spoke and I expected her to blacklist me. She didn’t. She understood. She told me that what I was feeling was my instinct and that I should always listen to it and to my baby. She said I could call her anytime for reassurance of this and I did a couple of times before I said goodbye to Ngala and felt strong in my own knowledge as a mother.

So Ngala couldn’t solve my baby sleep problems but they did still support me through them. Some mother’s and families need to know that even if they don’t get results in 24, 48 or even a thousand hours there is help out there. They need to know that if these strategies don’t work for their situation then they will be supported to find something else that will. I know that this program will have a similar ethos and hopefully a ‘Margaret’ or a few. The short clip shown on the news program promises a result in 24 hours for most and I worry that sends the wrong message to some struggling mums. It could say to them “The reason your baby isn’t sleeping properly is because you’re not doing it right. Come and see us and in 24 hours we’ll fix you.” I know that’s not what they think or aim to do but it’s a dangerous message for some to hear. The other worrying thing is the amount of people in the comments section patting themselves on the backs for having great sleepers or coping without this sort of service when they had their babies. Apparently in the ‘good old days’ this kind of support wasn’t around and they all just managed. I don’t believe it. I’d like those people commenting to go back and find records of mothers disappearing or having ‘nervous breakdowns’. Those are the mothers from their time who could have used these support services.