Pagan
Today is the third Sunday of advent when the pink candle is lit. Today we wore pink and we took our baby Jesus to be blessed. Today is about Joy and it was joyful because after being baptised 34 years ago I’m learning these things for the first time. I grew up a ‘non-practicing’ catholic and I denied and rebelled against the church as soon as I was able to, as soon as my Confirmation was over and done with. None of my friends were catholic, it was not cool to be religious and I did not want all of the ‘thou shalt nots’ in my life. The funny thing is that I met and married a non-church going, non-catholic man whose career led him to become both.
Even after he worked in a catholic school, we were married by a catholic priest, we baptised our children and he became catholic it still felt like I was going through the motions. I noticed the prayers and verses that came out of my mouth without me even thinking. I knew the actions and responses but I realise now that I did not know any meaning in it. All of my life this had just been an institution, another school, another set of rules- ‘you should do this and be this, you must not do this, this or this’. It was just another restraint to push back against.
The Easter we went to church for him to complete his sacraments was the beginning. I watched and felt the magic of the rituals, it dawned on me what I had missed when I had been in his shoes and what the ‘cross’ actually represented. The vigil brought tears to my eyes and from then on I began to look at it all a little differently. When we moved ‘Up North’ the small open churches, which allowed the breeze to blow through, became a place for me to take a breath at the end/beginning of the week. Some weeks it was the only breath I took. For those years that hour was something I enjoyed and appreciated but it did not spill over into the rest of the week or the other areas of my life. Church was just about going to the building and I thought of my spirituality outside of those Sunday mornings as separate. I went there each week open, rather than defensive, and very, very slowly the meaning began trickling in.
The second funny thing is how studying natural medicine, with its basis in Paganism, has brought me back to my spirituality, has opened me up to understanding the part of it that is Christian and the other parts of it that seem different but really not so much. The links I have made in the last couple of years between my studies and my church have been profound, for me. When I started to learn how to meditate, to be still, present and listen I also learned how to pray. When I learned to use affirmations and intentions I started to hear them in the verses we recite in church. When I learned how to tune into my intuition and feel that connection to the divine I also learned how to feel the holy spirit. When I started to listen to Tibetan bowls for sound healing I recognised the tones and vibrations in the singing of the Communion Rites. Peace, Hope, Joy and Love were at the centre of all of it.
It all came from the same place. It is all about the same thing. The Earth is the same, humanity is the same, God is the same no matter what you call it. From one point our understanding of and stories about those three things have evolved in many different directions. Whichever way we connect to it, however we come to understand ourselves and our purpose for being here is good. My meaning, beliefs and spirituality are just mine and yours are just yours. I have Christianity in my blood and align with Pagan values of loving, connecting and healing through nature. For me, exploring two seemingly opposing religions has grown my faith and deepened my spirituality. How we express and practise our spirituality isn’t the important part, the important part is that we do, because without it we cannot be whole. Our spirituality alongside our physicality and pychology is one third of our humanity and who we are.
