Red.

Before I pulled on my jumper this morning, though we were in a rush to get out the door for Gymnastics, I searched for the tag inside. When I found it and read 100% acrylic, I smiled inside.

I smiled at how and how much my understanding of those two ‘words’ had expanded in less than 24 hours. I smiled at the magic of life and the world and the people in it.

Last night I went out to a community event. I was there partly for work and partly to support a wonderful woman whom I have been fortunate to meet and get to know through work. Again, the magic of life and the world and the people in it means that meeting incredible women and offering them the support and resources of the centre where I work to explore and expand their wellbeing (their work often being a part of that) is what I now do for work.

The event was an activation of a beautiful space, an introduction to a new venture and piece of work, a celebration of knowledge gained throughout a rich and layered career. There was nothing about it that I wasn’t drawn to but I was aware that the topic and theme were less in my field and realm than most of the other areas we have gathered to explore with the group.

I was aware of being a student in the space. Of having many questions as opposed to answering them. Of not knowing what I didn’t know about what I was there to experience. And it was so beautiful to sit in that space. It was so beautiful to realise, part way in, that the discussion happening in front of and around me was absolutely, 100% a relevant and important piece for me to be adding to my understanding of the world and how I can be well and my best in it.

So I pulled the bright red jumper over my head this morning, knowing that the brightly coloured, acrylic, fibres (not actually wool) it is made of have been man made using processes that are toxic in many ways. To the people who were involved in the many stages of the process, to the environments impacted by the many stages of the process and to me as I put it against my skin, the largest organ of my body, the interface between me and the outside world.

I understood that I will wear this jumper and use it in as many ways as I can until there is no further use for it. Because my values around sustainability and minimalism and not getting caught up in fast fashion and overconsumption were already a part of how I shop and the clothes I buy. But I also felt my new understanding bring in a new piece, another layer. I understood that I won’t buy a jumper like this again. After looking at the colour, thinking about whether I love it, whether it suits me, whether it represents something to and within me, whether I can wear it in a variety of ways with a variety of things I already have. I will look at the tag.

Now, because someone has been kind enough, gracious enough, generous enough to teach me about something I didn’t know that I didn’t know and didn’t know I needed to, I will look at the tag. I will know that I’m looking for fibres that have come from plants that have been processed in the least damaging and toxic ways possible.

The same way I look at labels on food, cleaning and personal products and have done for more than a decade. I can now look at fabric in that same way, with my personal values in mind, with my need to minimise toxic load on my body, my family and the Earth in mind.

I’m in a bit of a transition time in my life right now and it has been pretty uncomfortable to feel like there is so much I don’t know about what is ahead. It has been feeling a bit like I’ve landed back at square one, like I’m back where I started. But I’m not.

I’m just in a space of not knowing what I don’t know and not knowing what I need to know…yet. Last night reminded me that actually that can be a pretty wonderful place to be. Surrounded by people who have many of the same underlying values as me, who have my back and my best interests alongside their own, who are courageous about the world they want to see and be a part of in the future, it can be a magical place to be. I still have so much to learn, this life, this world and the people in it still have so much to teach me and that feels less and less scary as I walk into what is next. It’s actually starting to feel pretty exciting.