Sticky icky.
The sticky, icky bits. The instructor in the yoga program I’m currently working through calls them the crunchy bits. The bits that get stuck, get in the way of our flow, make noise and make us want to scream. She’s talking about the body, movement, joints, tight muscles, the parts that lock and resist.
I’m talking about energy but it’s really much the same.
Today was a beautiful day, the sun shining, sky clear, a perfect day for us to all have off together. It started with “Do you want to go to such and such place for the day” followed by “yeah that sounds good” but then before we could actually get there, up came our sticky, icky, crunchy bits.
It frustrates me to no end that on days like today we so often hit these bumps, get stuck, that the crunch so often comes up. The kind of moments and challenges that feel like “not again”, “why are we like this?”, “why does this always happen?” and “why can’t we just…”.
The patterns, the sticking points, the recurring, niggling, perpetually unresolved conflicts.
The places we just keep getting stuck.
We got stuck this morning, trying to get out of the door to enjoy the beautiful day in front of us and I got frustrated.
That it happened.
That we fell into it, again.
That we still have crunchy bits.
That we can’t just get it together and flow as a family on a day like today.
I did find something in my frustration though. Through our ability to sit with ourselves and each other way better than we used to. The frustration of it, when allowed and accepted brought me to the necessity of it. Brought me to the why.
On a day like today, when we are all home, together, free to be with and rest into each other the crunchy bits do come up. Because when else can they? When else are they able to receive the space they need to be seen, heard, acknowledged and ultimately released?
A couple of years ago we took some long service leave before we moved and spent four months on the road. Four months together, without work, school or any other commitments to distract us and pull us in different directions. At first the crunch we faced was intense and consistent. Layer after layer hit us in the space that had suddenly opened up and we had nowhere to hide from it, no reason to avoid or put off the unravelling.
By the end of the trip we had settled into it- being together and the inevitability of our layers and patterns showing up along the way. I felt and still do feel so grateful for the amount of old and limiting stuff we were able to unravel and let go of as a family during that time. It has taken awareness and effort to prevent new layers building quickly back up to weigh us down since we have gone back to ‘normal’ life.
Work came back in, school came back in, sports, commitments, house and yard work. The vast space we experienced during that time slowly diminished and it has certainly become harder to remain aware, attentive, conscious of what is coming up to be seen and heard between us all each day.
So when it comes up on a day like today, it’s actually perfect, it makes sense and I don’t need to fight it. I spent many years trying to avoid and ignore anything uncomfortable and that’s how things become so stuck. Avoidance only allows for rust to build, for degradation and toxicity.
Making time, creating and protecting space to sit with what is feeling sticky or crunchy has become an important part of my days, my self care, my practice. Today I was reminded that accepting and allowing these sticky, crunchy parts of us and between us to come up on their terms and in their time is an equally important part of this practice.
Because if we’re only willing to see what we want to, when we are prepared and comfortable- we’ll miss so many opportunities to heal and grow.
