Study

I’m studying again!! I never stop really because I love learning and my work allows me to follow one thing to the next to evolve what I do and seek the support and resources that I need to keep evolving with it.

I’m starting a 6 month certification course this time round and I’m in week one.

I’m sitting here right now watching the first session of the first module and I’m really enjoying it.

Firstly it’s because I’m interested and invested in what I’m learning but also I’ve been able to reimagine and redefine what learning looks like to suit me.

All the way through my first degree and about halfway into my second I learned as if I was outrunning a tiger called failure. I worked hard, pushed hard, memorised and perfectionised (probably not a word!!) everything I handed in. I celebrated getting everything as close to right as was possible and fiercely avoided any set back. That was my focus.

Learning felt stressful and like I was in a pressure cooker from the minute I started a subject to the minute I looked at my final result.

Did I pass, did I achieve, did I graduate? Yep, every time. Did I enjoy it and get out of it as much as I could have? No.

When I started to get curious about how my child learns and what he needs to be able to be his best…I started to get curious about myself too.

Today I’m listening to this session at 1.75 speed. Not because I want to rush through or finish sooner, not because I’m cheating…because that’s the speed at which I stay engaged with what she’s saying. At normal speed I find myself looking around at what else I could be doing and processing at the same time as I’m doing this.

I’m using colours in my notes and pretty much scrawling, scribbling, drawing around, rather than taking nice neat copies of everything on the slides. I’ll actually come back to these notes and be able to use them because they are a truer representation of how I’m processing the information she’s presenting.

I have mindfully placed things on my desk that bring peace and calm into my body when I look at them. I will look around, my eyes will constantly scan while I’m listening and rather than seeing that as a problem I’ve given them things to take in that will not appear to be threats.

I have my favourite oils for focus and concentration out, I have a drink and snacks within reach and I have given myself three more short breaks on top of the one break the facilitator added into the session. I’ve got my Shakti mat at my feet because at one point my feet were restless and putting them on the mat came to mind.

There’s no tiger here. There is no tiger required to get me through this learning. I’ve asked the tiger (who served me and pushed me through many years to get to where I am now) to stand down now because I’ve got this now.

I know what I need to be able learn, I know how it is different to the norm and I have more resources and support than I know what to do with sometimes.

This is what I want for my children and so this is what I’m living and showing them and allowing them to absorb