Toddler
Ask your toddler a Yes or No question…
Watch how they don’t miss a beat, don’t blink or take a deep breath or have to think about how to hear the answer.
It’s YES or it’s NO.
They don’t have to learn because they already have it. They don’t have to remember because they haven’t forgotten. They still know it and trust it…because they haven’t learned that how the bigger, stronger, more powerful people around them answer the question is more important than their answer.
They scream and stomp and insist on their answer…because they haven’t learned and developed the relational skills they need. They haven’t learned that other people also have answers and wants and needs.
I wonder if it would be possible to teach them those things without teaching them that their answers, wants and needs are inferior or don’t matter at all?
I wonder if we as humans are capable of knowing our answer, considering someone else’s answer and coming together to explore and find where they could meet.
I think we are. I’m running an experiment on it right now- a longitudinal study with a very small sample size (3) and so far it’s looking good.
Allowing a child to know, value and keep their own answer and their own voice while coaching them to grow in awareness of the people around them and how they can compromise and relate is possible.
It’s also way easier than trying to reteach a tween about the inner voice and inner confidence they once had before their well meaning and very conscientious Mother taught it out of him.
Way way easier than relearning at thirty something too 
but that part was the necessary first step for the rest to come together 
