What’s in your bag of tricks?

The weekend before school went back I got out a couple of fifty litre tubs. My oldest was about to start pre-primary and his first full week of school. Judging from how he handled a three day week at kindy last year I was anticipating an adjustment period and thought a bit of preparation could help. He loves chilling out watching movies so I knew that would be his preference for after school but wanted to have some other options readily available to break up the screen time. The term ‘screen time’ provokes an immediate guilt response in me. I’d hate to count how many hours he watched a day during the many periods of time that I struggled to get his brother to nap. At the same time I am so grateful that he was the kind of toddler who sat and watched, we may not have survived if he didn’t. We’ve recently added an iPad to the mix and he’s starting to show an interest in video games at friends’ houses. His screen horizons are broadening rapidly and I know the boundaries are going to need to be set in stone from the word go.

So I filled his tub quickly and easily with all of the quiet activities he likes to do. His Lego, his pencil case and colouring books, his comic style books and his Leapreader. I showed him what was in it and explained what it was for. I set up a quiet/cubby corner for him and off he went to give it a go. I then moved onto the second box and found myself stumped trying to think of similar things that my younger son would enjoy doing during the day when he needed some quiet time. He has rarely played with anything age appropriate, like most younger siblings he wants only what his brother has but he plays with things in a completely different way. In a way I know my second child by what he doesn’t do, what he doesn’t like and how he is different to his brother. It’s taken me so much longer to understand him. For a long time I felt frustrated and put out because he wouldn’t  do what he was meant to do according to the books and my memory of his brother. “ Why can’t you just be/sleep/feed like your brother?” Was part of my internal dialogue without me even realising it and it wasn’t until I became aware of that and worked on stopping it that I started to learn about him and in turn started to do a bettor job of meeting his needs.

These days I spend my days with him marvelling at his little personality, the fact that it is so different is special and often entertaining. I am never prepared for or expecting what comes out of his mouth. The way his mind works blows me away all the time and I am constantly sending videos of him to family and friends as my way of asking “Is this kid for real?!” “Am I imagining this?!”. I believe every child is a blessing, both of my boys have changed my life and parenting them has challenged and shaped me as a person. My little one really was sent to me for a reason through, what I have been through and am still going through with him has changed the way I see the world and the way I see myself. It’s amazing what he has taught me since I stopped trying to make him fit and started really listening to him. That brings me back to the box, the box that remained empty for four days, staring at me as if to say “Really? You don’t know your child?”.

On that fourth morning after school drop off we had to do a couple of errands so we stopped at the hardware and office supply shops on the way home. He was excited to come in and help and since we had nowhere to be I told myself to relax and let him enjoy himself (he is inquisitive and touches everything in case you haven’t gathered). We got what we needed without any breakages or too much stalling but we also walked out with a kids watering can and some paint rollers. My first reaction when he asked for them was “no, we don’t need that” but I stopped myself and thought about the many mornings he’s spent out the back with the hose running a little bit, filling cups and buckets, tipping them out and stomping around in the puddles. It could not have been further from what I had envisioned his box would be like…and of course it was perfect for him. His fifty litre tub is now outside where he spends as much time as he can (weather permitting) with a pair of gumboots, a couple of different buckets, a watering can, a foam water squirter, various paintbrushes, a paint roller and several different half empty tubes and bottles out of the bathroom having the time of his life. I stand at the sink, washing breakfast dishes, looking out over my beautiful Kimberley backdrop and my even more beautiful baby boy pottering and changing my world.